Fear

Fear
Fear and I are very close, we talk, and we hang out. Sometimes it stays longer than I’m comfortable with. However, he’s no faux. For; it is kin. Fear is the other side of the balance, and caution is advised but not always necessary.
I think bout fear, some much on the journey because it is a valid concern, and I should be, people here in Kenosha want to project ill will toward me, and that where my line is drawn, when there will is unreasonable or the expectation is too high as the relationship has soured and or a traumatic event resulting in fear and anxiety.
Bringing the Aiello men together for a funeral or even a get- together I can only imagine will only result in turmoil and destruction savagely imposing there various wills upon poor Kenosha, as they have respect for no one. All the while creating a sickening and histrionic environment, t hat even they cannot stand.
I really do dread the day I’m going to have to come face to face with Mr. Skee or Mike rather. What I do know is that if he comes in this hospital while I am here and disrespects Frances then he will be removed. My fear for him subsides the more back up plans and secondary safe stops are in place. These spots are designated by me and planned out in advance, assuring myself I will always be safe while I am here in Kenosha..
Therefore, I feel real good about the plans and preparations I have spiritually and emotionally. I also feel real good about making a choice to communicate with Kathy and Skee via Kathy per my mother. (Sometimes in spite of your personal baggage and fear you have to bite the bullet because every choice is not made for you alone and in this case would be selfish of me to otherwise have an agenda. The only other thing in the back of my mind is Paul he is in California now but I believe Ill see him sooner than I am ready for and when all of that goes on Frances’s home is no longer an official safe top and I will have to move to an alternate plan.
When it comes right down to it without fear we really wouldn’t really know to be cautious about anything and we would be the disposable society that we portray ourselves as today. At any rate without fear I believe in most cases we would almost always make the wrong choice, as being fearful or cautious of something in not applicable without fear.
I have written about fear before and the delights and dynamics of it wonderful process. This time the environment was looked at with specific detail of what I am fearful of today. I did not include my mother possible passing, although I have many emotions running around on that topic, fear is not at the top. Duty and love are at the top of that list.

PEACE

The new immigration law ((ANGER WARNING!))

----NOTE-----
This was inspired by a public radio show program “The story” with Dick Gordon
May 20th 10 "Two people live on the border-in Arizona with different views of the new immigration law."
Great show the topic is why I went there


The new immigration law
It has to be so hard for one person feeding and nourishing the illegals and one doing everything he can to assist in the destruction of illegal aliens, entering the country illegally. I have to say that life is sometimes; just what life is at some point you have to recognize that you cannot have folks over for dinner if you don’t have enough to feed your family. I heard some wonderful view points about the greed of the Mexican immigrant who continue to leach off our system and refuse to assimilate to our way of life, here we are in Iraq forcing a different perspective on them
I have to agree that just because someone does not like illegal aliens, they are not prejudice or bigoted! Come on people the aliens are coming in by the truck load, they bring guns drugs violence and an attitude of indifference. They rape our land running from there’s, you know if that was America we would die fighting before drug lords take over the country. It is what it is, the country was so corrupt that there’s nothing left but a pile of severe subterfuges.

What’s unfortunate is that people from this country are assisting these illegal’s and I have to say; what the hell are you thinking do you realize the huge amount of money these people cost your state other states and then this country a fortune to process and keep them in addition to the criminal activities cost American’s money every day, then the police report,not to mention the various government agency's that have to get involved, then there is illegal welfare, identity theft. damn it I could go on all day! So WTF! I understand you may think we need to help people, but not in this case I’m sorry fuck you'r beliefs! You have a duty to do what is best for this country, if that is confusing then give them your space, your house your identity and move to fuckin Mexico .

Honestly helping the aliens should be illegal (not if they need assistance (emergency)) (I’m still human) but damn damn damn!! Then be part of the help raise Mexico up project! WTF this is all wrong. Solutions start at the problem not the next country over they need to fix Mexico IN MEXICO!

I need to be in KENOSHA!

I need to be in Kenosha more than ever now it seems that Kenosha hospital strikes again and I need to get my mother out of there before they kill her! I could just puke after the conversation I had with a nurse at the hospital trying to explain who I can and cannot hold liable, Okay!?. Shall we start from the beginning?

I called the hospital for a status update on Frances I have not called to many times this week foe she is in Kenosha hospital so I don't honestly make a huge effort due to their inability to be objective. They act as if they never had to treat a drug addict before. Is it really that hard when you see a drug addict I mean a food addict needs to still eat, so if its pain the treat her for FUCKIN PAIN STUPID!! Honestly I am the last person you want to go round and round with about the dynamics of methadone in the body, the breakdown of the drug and how it affects someone on dialysis (I tend to be a little more knowledgeable then the average nurse) either way I am pulling her out of there Monday and bringing her home there just wasting time and billing the state with no damn purpose for her to be there. I cannot help feeling incumbent. I should have been there already.

Today was the day I received a better prospective on how much pain Frances is in, and I think she is being a little over dramatic. However I believe the hospital and clinical environment she is most of the time really influances a part on her mood, and the process probably makes her want to get high! Yes! she is an addict (case and point the experiment is run right out the door already) and this could be a major trigger. As I get older, (well mostly this past year) I understand the statement "you parents did the best job they knew how to do" -Savage Garden The blessing I received in the form of wisdom into Frances true condition's was via the universe and I would like say thank you lady verse I love you, when you listen and when you pass, for it is the true nature of all things.

Frances’s kidneys are functioning at 5% which is obviously terrible! However, the data I received from Dr Cappelli (Of the Kenosha Aurora Medical Center (private practice) Family Care) noted, Frances is in Reno but her kidney function is fine (presenting me with a different perspective altogether, I am just not compforatable with doctors doing less than substandard work per their own bias). Nevertheless, this is advanced! 5% even I'm taken back and I never up play her health. Uh it’s only a matter of time now and it is my time to do what I need to do for her, and the first damn thing; is to get her out of that clinical environment and get her feeling like a whole woman again (anyone got a 1/2 a woman?? ha<----JOKE),but you know what I mean. I must set some ground rules for myself to stay in control.

-Ask how serious is this situation?
-What is the truth of this situation?
-Can I present humor and light to an otherwise dark subject matter?
-Be able to move about with a always dependable vehicle with some stipulations
-Jeep is not actually fixed they couldn't find the issue (imaginably getting it fixed in Kenosha (although that is scary to me too)
-Have money to get it fixed (check),
-Alternate get away in the event of Skee and Kathy (-puke-) and all there subterfuges
-Do not be afraid, accept that part of you that will be temporary preoccupied. Frustration (a -). Its easier to be objective and open minded when were not consumed with our own baggage, because anger is a double edge sword.

If my readers have any suggestion for default keeping Paco safe spiritual grounded and objective, moat of you know how this plays out for me. Ill be concerned and anxious about the following, some more than others.

-The broken car dynamic
-Skee, Mike Mothers son. Pure evil
-Away from home, Out of my element, missing Kitties.
-Kathy; Fake Christian with no real morals and a disgusting disposition.
-Missing Jon and my cats, I'm tearing up now thinking of it :(
-My bed at home (lovely) @ Frances (not so lovely)

The goal is to sustain my objectivity, stay calm, responsible, and mature. Be helpful, being preoccupied and possibly overwhelmed with dynamics, I thank you for you love and support I love you, your energies mean so much to me in this time. Please continue reading, for we are the light –together.
Your light keeps, emotional & spiritual, going when I have been used up, you are closer than you think, thank you --Blessed Be--

not for Facebook

Finally after all this time my car is at the shop and i could not be anymore excited!! We do not really have the money to get it fixed and in a way were robbing peter to pay Paul. I guess we will worry about that later. Of course the mechanic called and said he could not find anything wrong with it. Its like the universe gives the vehicle a heads up, in fact I will listening to a story on public radio about a guy who worked at a dealership and the dynamic was people would swear something is wrong with their vehicle. In my case they will keep it over night they drove it quite a bit and it never acted up, for some reason this fascinates me.

Currently I am sitting a cafe entitled ground zero having a cheese danish reporting on the road I call it I can pull out my laptop almost anywhere and start a draft. Jon and I biked here and we will probably continue the adventure after my danish digest, as I am now sipping on a soy chi no foam, hot! Yes I said hot the thing is summer or winter i like hot beverages tea, coffee, more tea ect...

I love my bike let me describe it for you; it s Schwinn from the 1950's in great condition it's green like grass and I have super awesome fender's both front and back (also green) there is a bell that took me some time to find due to my neurosis and having the sound already picked out. I must ave been to a million bike stores. There is a table just to left of me and there sits three heartily broads laughing and carrying on asking each other if they know what the world cup is. Im thinking these bitches cant be serious.

Nevertheless I am one step closer to my Frances who I miss very much, Mike called me the other day I picked it up because KI thought it was the hospital to make a long story short which I think most of you know he is my mothers son who abused me and molested me as a child (he makes me sick!) He called because he wants me to pick him up and go to the hospital together. Im like why do not you stand by and wait for hell to freeze over.At any rate I can talk about very freely now because I am not ashamed as I used to be, and with that I do not feel so much like a victim but for him forgiveness is not an option for he is evil and we all must protect our selves ans the children those of us with power every now and then think of protecting the children. Well back to the road.